mein cowboy

[heartflower]

irgendwie bin ich froh dass der barkeeper eine freundin hat

trotzdem erinnert er mich nicht weniger an dich...

und deine freundi oder verlobte oder frau oder was auch immer sie inzischen sein mag...

ich möchte sie nie kennenlernen! bitte tu mir das nicht an...

jemand, der mich mit sms bombadiert, mich anruft, auf meinen anrufbeantworter spricht, mir vorwürfe macht, und all das von deinem handy :mauer:

jemand der lügt und sich als dich ausgibt, jemand der mein paket und briefe an dich einfach öffnet...

nein so jemanden möchte ich nicht kennenlernen !!

 

[heartflower]

es ist nur ein foto...und es hat keine bedeutung für mich...aber wie gern würde ich es dir zeigen...dich eifersüchtig machen...

----

irgendwie hat sich da so ein schalter bei mir umgelegt. klack, noch ein jahr. wow und alles ist wie hinter einer unsichtbaren mauer. und vor mir liegt ein weiterer abschnitt.

----

hab das paket jetzt abgeschickt. endlich. die gedanken losgeworden. mit dem wissen, sie sind auf dem weg zu dir.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

I miss you. I miss you so much. It never ends.

I know that just because I started trusting you again it doesn't mean you trust me again as well.

After all I have done.

I know you may forgive me, maybe you already have, because we're friends.

But do you really understand why I did it ?

Will you trust me again ?

Can I gain your confidence and belief in me again ?

Or is it already too late ?

Maybe by time you will get over the pain just as I did.

But maybe you won't.

Maybe you never will...

Please, I need you to trust me again.

​

yours a.

 

[heartflower]

erst wenn ich wieder deinen boden betrete

in deinen armen gehalten werde

erst dann bin ich wieder frei.

erst dann beginne ich wieder richtig zu leben.

 

[heartflower]

ich wil nicht mehr zurück denken, an all das was falsch gelaufen ist, warum es so passiert ist wie es passiert ist.

ich kann und will nicht mehr. aber ich muss wohl noch weiter damit leben. noch ein jahr lang :mauer: :mauer: :mauer:

auf der einen seite mache ich mir keine hoffnungen mehr weil einfach zu viel passiert ist. und auf der anderen seite kann ich nur einschlafen mit dem gedanken dich wieder zu treffen und dich zu umarmen.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

It's so hard.

All the ups and downs I have. One moment I'm happy, thinking of the good times. And the next moment I'm becoming so sad.

You don't believe in me and in my words, do you?

You don't know me yet, you haven' seen who I really am. I wanna be so much for you. Your friend, your girl, your lover, your woman, your wife, your partner. Although I'm still young and inexperienced. But I want to learn it. From and with you.

But you won't let me. So what can I do ? I should give up on you. But I'm fighting again and agin. Each day. Because I know you are the only one who can make me happy and whom I wanna make happy.

I remember you writing me once that it's all too hard. I think that was the moment when you've given up.

It's okay if you don't want me anymore. You're hurting me so much even if you don't want to.

I know I should give up too. But even if you want me to, I can't and I won't. Because I love you.

Yours a.

 

[Lillybelle]

Hey Hon, I send you a big hug :trost: ...

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

I know I'm not the sexiest girl in the world and sometimes I'm really crazy and weird... But I've got other characters too and I hope someday you're gonna get to know them...if you want to...

I am as I am. I thought (or I have hoped) you're the man who sees me as I am and who wants me with all my good and bad qualities. But maybe I was wrong.

If you have decided to live your life with someone else than I respect that. But believe me I'm very sad about it. Because you didn't take the opportunity to spend your time with getting to know such a wonderful person like me.

Yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

Sometimes I still ask myself what I was for you. Just a little teenie you had fun with ? Someone you wanted to have for the night ? For an affair ? Did you only wanted me as a friend ? Did you think I was just someone very interesting ?

Sometimes I still think it was just a game for you. That I didn't mean anything to you. That you just lied to me...lies lies lies...I hate lies.

You mean the world to me, but what am I for you ? Just a little bit of fun ?

I found you. I think you might not be the 'right' man because there's no such thing as right or wrong.

There's no person who makes all your dreams come true. There's no perfect person of whom you're having a picture in your mind and of whom you wish that she/ he would become true some day.

You are the only one who can make your dreams come true and you can just find the person who is with you at your side when you making them come true. I thought I had found the man I wanna spend my life with and for whom I wanna be there. But you don't think it's you, do you ?

You think I should be looking for someone else because you've already found your woman and so there's no place for me in your life.

Yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

Maybe you're not contacting me not because you don't want to hurt me anymore but because you don't want to be hurt yourself.

I'm not playing with you if you think that this is my only purpose.

The parcel I've send you is gonna be the last contact from my side until I'm coming back to oZ.

So I hope I'm not giving you anymore reason to be hurt.

I'm just gonna write you these postcards and think of you every second...but I don't want to hurt you.

That's why I won't contact you anymore.

We're just friends, that's all.

You love and live with whomever you want.

I don't depend on you.

I don't need you.

I can go on even without by my side.

I'm strong.

I'll cut out my heart.

Kill my feelings for you.

Won't let you play with me anymore.

I hate you for having hurt me so much.

I was foolish enough to believe that you had liked me.

But that's not true.

And now that I realize it I' m calling the game off.

I'm not gonna run after your love anymore.

I'm going my own way, playing my own game.

I was strong before and I'm gonna be strong again.

Maybe it won't hurt anymore if I only see you as a friend.

If I put my love for you in a bottle and send it down the river...

Yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

Let me guess. Your fiancée gives you the feeling that she understands you, that she makes everything easy, that she gives you everything you need and that you can't live without her love.

She makes you believe that you're the man and you got everyhing under control, that you can't be manipulated by her. But in that moment she already is manipulating you. That's because she can do and have all the things she wants. Isn't it ?

Sure she loves you. She wants to possess you. But that's not the kind of love i'm feeling for you. I don't wanna possess you, I wan't my love to be making you free and being yourself & happy. I know i can't be as dominant and sure as she is.

Because i need help in some things myself. But that doesn't mean i don't try to be for you what she is or that i love you less. It's just another kind of love.

I know that men like you don't want to be ruled by a woman. But you are, more than you'd ever admit. Because you just pretend to know what you are doing, but actually you got no clue. You wouldn't know what to do and whatfor if she wasn't there.

Because deep inside you're just a child and you wanna be hold and be weak sometimes. But you were tought to not show that and to be there for the woman. I know that kind of man. And it makes me sad that such a man won't love me as I love him.

All I can be is your friend. And I don't wanna lose that. Not after I've lost your love already.

yours a.

 

[Lillybelle]

Liebe Heartflower,

ich drücke Dir die ganze Zeit die Daumen, dass alles mit dem Paket so klappt, wie Du es Dir erhoffst!

Ich habe die Schokoladenpuddinggeschichte bei Dir herausgelesen... auch wenn ich von solchen Pauschalaussagen generell nicht viel halte denke ich doch, dass da einiges dran ist. Ich hab es nur nie so betrachtet. Aber auch bei Deinem Cowboy könnte sie passen und würde einges erklären. Denn offenbar schafft seine Freundin ihn zu binden, wie noch keine zuvor. Aber vielleicht ist es nur eine vorübergehende Erscheinung... das hoffe ich jedenfalls für Dich und Dein Herz!

Lieben Gruß

Deine Lilly :schmatz:

 

[heartflower]

heute habe ich wie immer an dich gedacht...

genau zwei jahre ist es jetzt her, dass ich für ein jahr nach australien flog.

und über ein jahr ist es her, dass ich dich zum letzten mal sah.

ich vermisse dich genauso sehr, wie am ersten tag den ich ohne dich erlebte.

weil ich dich nicht belügen kann, belüge ich mich selbst.

you're just my friend but I won't tell you that i still love you as much as i loved you from the first moment.

 

[sweetbaby17]

believe me that sooner than it seems life will turn into good :trost:

 

[heartflower]

thanks lilly and sweety :schmatz:

Dear B.

yesterday i got a letter from your world...

no it wasn't from you but it felt like it brought a little piece of home to me...

today i'm good and dandy. i know i'll be seeing you soon...

in one year...

yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

I saw Coldplay ! Monday my sis and me, we went to Berlin with some friends to see them in concert. The Strokes were playing first and after that Chris & Co.came in..they were worth the bloody expensive tickets ! one time they literally were like 3 metres away from us !!! unbelievable !! they were fantastic and the whole new O2 stadium rocked ^_^ I wish you'd been there with me...

If I only could tell you all about the concert on the mobile... Remember the phone talk we used to have this one time ? Everyday I wish we'd talk like that again...

Last week I got a letter from australia. It wasn't from you but from my farmer friends in Glasshouse Mountains. It felt like it brought me a little piece of home.

yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

When I dream of you (which isn't very often) I'm always trying to find you but I never do. You never appear, not even your face. It's just me running and going everywhere, asking everybody where you are. It's strange. Maybe sleeptime is the only time when I'm not thinking of you...

yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

I was afraid of showing you my feelings. Afraid of your reaction. I was afraid of being hurt too much. Afraid you'd say 'no'. But most of all I was afraid you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. Because it's always too good to be true when I'm with you. I'm just not sure if it could work with us.

I'm afraid that you might say you don't want to see me again. Say that you want no contact anymore. I'm afraid that you don't accept me as I am, with all my faults. I'm afraid that you don't think the same way about us as I do.

I'm afraid of all those things. And it'll only end when I'm in your arms and I'm sure that you'll never let me go again...

yours a.

 

[heartflower]

Dear B.

yesterday - I felt so good.

I need you so I can be there for you. I don't want to be with anyone else.

I can't be with anyone else.

Without you I don't know where to go.

Without you I don't wanna go anywhere.

Without you I feel incomplete.

I want to have a farm with you.

Have kids with you.

Have a life with you.

Want to share your life with you. Want to share my life with you.

And for holidays we go on travels, go to concerts and visit friends all over Australia & the world.

What do you want ? None of this, right ?

today - i feel so down.

...I should better give up...I'll never get together with you...

Because...it's not possible...

Because you don't want to...

Because I'm not the one you need.

I'll be alone, with no shoulder comforting me, no arms that will hold me, no one I can kiss. No one I WANT to kiss. I'll be what I was before I met you...Alone. I'll get used to it.

I should stop thinking I'd have a chance again.

Because there's no chance anymore. I'd do anything.

But I can't change your mind once you've decided to give me up.

And you have given me up, haven't you ?

only memories. good memories. but memories.

Yours a.

 

[beilooo]

huhu

finde gut das du dir das alles von der seele schreibst.

ich habe lang nicht mehr hier gelesen doch das ändert sich jetzt wieder.

wir schreibens uns dan hoffentlich bald wieder =) .

mfg beilooo